I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
