NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
