my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
