mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize