I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
