my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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