are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
