I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
