Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
