drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
