I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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