you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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