He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
