just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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