so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
