Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize