I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
