Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
