you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
