Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we made out on top of his cat.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I love you. Go after that dick
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
