Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
