I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
