OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Green mimosas i think yes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
