alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
