I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
