wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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