4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
