She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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