I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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