You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
