Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
