I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
