omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
