Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
