Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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