D3 body, D1 cock
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
