drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
