She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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