is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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