My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
