There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
