I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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