Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
