Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just high enough for therapy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
