my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
