she smelled like a LAN party
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
