No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Randomize
