Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
