Nicole vs. Life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
