I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also, beer. Big fan.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
