god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
