I heard we made out
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
