We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
