well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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