Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
as a side note pls kill me
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