and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
