What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You smell like stripper and shame
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
