Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
