Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
