remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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