its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Alive.
So much puke
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
