Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
