Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
