He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize