I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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