I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
